No Apologies - Introduction

These are the notes that we all want to write but never do. These are our raw feelings, those we push deep inside because we feel so ashamed of even acknowledging their existence.

It is said that one has to tell one's story;  in order to find yourself, you need to take the journey they say. Empty your mind, know yourself, tell you story. This is my story.

I wanted Saul to write this, after all, he is my alter ego. He is supposed to be the raw, unapologetic insensitive mother fucker, but as it turns out, he is as shy, introverted and scared as I am. I wonder why he still lingers around when I'm left to deal with life on my own.

I've gone through life hiding in the comfort of mediocrity. All those mixed signals from my parents, teachers and friends. How can I ever forget those warm fuzzy feelings from hearing them say "you've got so much potential!" or "WTF were you thinking????" But it's not their fault. We have been forming this society of conformity  and anyone daring to go against the grain is quickly labeled as "problematic" and readily "disciplined".

So I've master the art of self sabotage in order to keep myself hidden under everybody's radar. Why would I want to share my ideas, they are dumb, how embarrassing would be if they all laughed. They will, I said!

What I think, what I feel, what I am... repressed because of my fears of been laughed at, judged, rejected, singled out and not being able to fit. Well the joke is on me... I never fit, and they all laughed anyway, I was judged and rejected and I didn't even have to be me, so why the fuck didn't I even try to be me?

40 years fast forward, and I say no apologies for being me, for what I feel and for what I think. No apologies for baby me, no apologies for boy and teenager me, no apologies for adult me, and certainly no apologies for old me.